Meet Your Neighbor: Nicole Monat, Founder of Friends Grow Friends

By: Community Magazine | August 12, 2022 |  Philanthropy , Meet Your Neighbor |  Fair Haven

“Relationships are the fabric of society, and all it takes is one special connection to change your life,” shared Nicole Monat, Founder and Program Director of Friends Grow Friends (FGF), a nonprofit in Monmouth County. For many children, socializing does not come naturally and can cause a great deal of stress.

Nicole created FGF to provide friendship groups for children in grades K-12, where those who struggle socially–with or without a diagnosis of special needs–can practice and develop social skills and make new friends. Nicole lives in Fair Haven with her husband, Jeff, and their three sons, Sam 12, Max 9, and Ben 7 (and pet fish, Mr. Crabs).  CM met with Nicole to learn how the organization arose and who may benefit from participation.

CM: What led you to create Friends Grow Friends (FGF)?
Nicole: In addition to running FGF, my greatest role is being a mother to my three boys.  Sam, 12, carries diagnoses of High Functioning Autism Spectrum Disorder and ADHD.  His treatment began from the age of 16 months, and, throughout this journey, I have been heavily involved in every aspect of Sam’s development.  My vision for FGF came from the social progress that Sam was able to attain during facilitated play dates. I thought about how this model of support could greatly benefit other children — interacting with their peers in typical scenarios. Thus, FGF (first called Social Smarts) was born!

CM: What types of programs are offered?
Nicole:  We select different activities to address a variety of social skills in a natural environment.  Our instructors serve as coaches, and we highlight “teachable” moments and reinforce appropriate social behavior. Each group typically begins with an interactive lesson/discussion to highlight the skills that we will be working on, including flexibility, making new friends, frustration management, asking someone to “hangout”/play, identifying common interests, teamwork, and frustration management.  Conversation is also a big part of every group!

CM: What are some of the success stories in the different age groups?
Nicole: When we first started our middle school group in 2019, the most common notes on the registration form were that the child did not have friends or did not make friends easily.  It hurt me that so many of these kids were lonely.  As I watched the group begin and the conversations and activities unfold, tears came to my eyes, but not because I was sad — these kids were talking with one another, finding common interests, smiling, laughing, and enjoying themselves.  It was truly in that moment that I understood the impact my team and this organization were having on children and their families. In the younger group, one of our elementary students ran up to his mom and introduced the other kids to her as his friends.  And our high school group has been exchanging phone numbers and discussing plans to play video games together (outside of FGF)!

CM: What are some highlights of the FGF programs?
Nicole: We recognize there is not a one-size-fits-all approach in helping children in their social development and we are creative in developing support plans to build confidence. We have been fortunate to attract tremendous talent–teachers, specialists in speech and psychology, social workers, school counselors, behavior technicians, and volunteers. Our groups also include peer mentors, as well as high school mentors. These mentors provide a strong example of pro-social behavior, help naturally facilitate conversations, and give positive and respectful peer-to-peer feedback. The children don’t know who is a peer mentor and who is not — everyone participates in the same way! We have received wonderfully positive feedback from schools and private service providers about the changes they see in their students/clients.  

CM: What philosophy guides the FGF mission?
Nicole: “Fitting in” doesn’t mean being like everyone else; it’s about finding the people who allow you to feel comfortable to be yourself. All kids deserve to have a happy and fulfilling childhood.